Daily Mama Drama

So here I am,…starting over.  At twenty eight years of age, single, and not quiet sure of myself.   At this stage of my life I don’t think I thought I would be starting over.  But then again how many Barnes and Nobles books start that way in the self-help section.  So at twenty eight, and three beautiful children,… I am starting over….wow it’s hard to say that.  Things I wish I would have done differently, gone to bible college,….but then again maybe it would be exactly the same.  I loved him, I love him that’s the honest truth.  Anything worth trying for or getting, is worth the fight,..except the thing is, I think the person who wrote that was a woman, and I’m pretty sure she was in the middle of a break-up,….in fact I know she was.  Women only make up that stuff to make it seems phlisophical and right when we are going through hell and back. 

There are many questions I could deliberate, but I don’t have it in me today.  This morning I will just enjoy my coffeee and the fact that maybe just maybe at the end of the day there is a happily ever after,…it’s just something we have to fight for,….lol…

I think there are days when we wake up and decide we want to be a doctor, a princess, (yes that is actually an occupation) a world renowned writer, a wife, a rock star, a garbage man,or what have you. I wanted to be a princess, my mother tried for years to tell me this wasn’t a real occupation but I digressed and would have mom buy me another sparkly tiara.  Now at 27 I have to ask myself after deciding what I wanted to be, what if it was all taken away,.. would I still want to be it? There are few people in life that can ask themselves that. In fact  most never even have to question it….I do however.  Right now I am standing at the biggest crossroads of my life. Each road leading in  a completely different direction. I feel as if  I am standing on a open land with two dirt roads that just go for miles in completely opposite directions. Each with there own consequences, each with there own blessings. When is it in life that you know you have made the right decision? Is it because it is so easy that you know the road chosen was the right one? Or is it because of  it’s difficulty you know based upon your faith that your reward will be substantial, and the truth is, it goes so much deeper than what the struggles are.  Moreover, it is what is behind or what we do through the struggles.  I really wonder what Jesus thought of this? Was He the  Son of God who had all the answers but had to make the right choice, or was he like us strongly morally guided and conflicted. I hope it’s the latter. It makes Him easier to turn to at the end of the day.  The big question that I am seeking is when you get to a point in your life when you feel like you have made the right decisions, the right spouse, the right college, the right neighborhood, the right financial decisions. When you decide that and the out come is negative but the decision behind it was right how do stand firm on the ground that what the decision you made was the right one? I don’t know obviously or I wouldn’t be talking about it. I think the fear we face scares us into being afraid of the time line in which we will receive our reward for being faithful, for making the right decision.  And at the end of the day one has to ask, what am I deciding for? Am I deciding for faith, love, spirituality, or self ambition. I think that at the end of the day the outcome won’t speak for itself always. But weither or not we are accountable for those decisions is entirely up to us.  Now the question is what is your decision?

I believe it was Paul that said I am thankful for this trial I am going through for it is through this and because of this that now I feel closer to the Lord than I ever have. For the first time in a long time I really get that. I think of the things that my husband and I are facing today and in all honesty it can be incredibly overwhelming.  But I also sit here and think I have not felt His presence as strongly as through this trail we are now going through.  I feel my marriage is such a blessing and the day I think everyone thinks, ” How could I love you more than I love you now,…?” And the answer to that is through the trails and blessings of life, marriage, kids, and spiritual growth we can say,” I love you so deeply and with such a refiner’s fired love that I love you so much more than the day we said,”forever.”  But back to Paul as we fight through this horrible time, and ask the Lord why, or how, when, how long, and most importantly Father will I be happy and be ok,…. and His answer is I am here.   I think it’s like a parent when in the situation as a parent those big brown eyes look up at you and it seems as if they are saying it feels impossible.  I think it’s like that for the Father. He can fix this but more importantly He is here for us.  I think that is such a fine line.  Last night my husband was walking in the snow and he said even though it seems dark and bleek out the snow still shown like a million crystals letting us know there will be a beautiful future for us ahead.  The man I married and the man I am married to today is someone I am so proud of.  He is smart, sweet, quiet, understand and has taught me more about the love of God than I could have ever imagined. Love is not proud, Love does not boast, Love is not unkind, Love is and will always be the words I think of that represent my husband. Randy is not proud, Randy does not boast, Randy is not unkind, Randy bears all things,…. Each day he teaches me so much.  And through this trail as I grow in marriage and as I grow in the Father I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with such a wonderful partner to grow with.  And we will get through this trail together.  And for right now I will draw close to the LordI will lean on Him and His words ”I will never leave nor forsake you ” and I thank Him for this because He is here now.

Well things to do. Ok let’s not start there that’s just too overwhelming.  Umm things to think of,… ah that’s better. What am I going to be for Halloween? My four year old wants me to be a fairy, but I am slightly concerned that his favorite color is pink he loves pannnnkkk he say, and as I turned around this evening he was trying on my fairy wings. Humm, note to self,…” Not going to worry about that one, yet..”  What else ah yes need to start up a few new awesome jewelry parties this week.  Am so excited about Halloween but I still cannot decide if sexy whitch is better in order to attrack my hubby?  Or be a fairy, which will delight my son and my mother made a trip to purchase me wings?  Humm,… don’t want to dissapoint my little angel, don’t and don’t want to hurt mum, but want to be sexy too.  My hubby pointed out the fairy wasn’t his favorite.  And now I am back to the drawing board. We always have a family shin-dig every year and this year I am emotionally a little fried but refuse to disappoint my babies.  I just can’t wait for those beautiful little trick or treaters to come to our home.  I really love Halloween! The colors, the candy and costumes. It’s just too fun!  My favorite thing though are those wonderful family memories I make with  my hubby and our kiddos. My hubby is always so awesome to dress up. He really is number one dad. The kids get such a kick out of seeing daddy dressed up as, Optimus Prime, The Burger King King, and one year a Greek man.  He got a lot of crap for that one… A little boy who was trick or treating stopped my hubby as we were making the neighborhood rounds and said, ” Why are you wearing a dress? Aren’t dresses for girls!”  My husband could only retort,..” It’s a toga!”  Ha! Ha! I felt so bad that I chose his costume that year. So needless to say my husband likes to choose his own costume. But this year I think we will officially go with the transformers theme. Keegs our oldest will be Bumblebee. Gabe will be a dinosaur and Ella will be a little yellow duck. My mom is a whoopee cushion and everyone else is a secret. It is an absolute blast to see what everyone comes as. One year my dad was that Cat in Hat. It was awesome, tail, hat  and all! Our family really gets into it all so this year I hope it will be a wonderful and blessed Halloween with wonderful family memories.  May the Lord Bless You and Keep You. And have a safe night trick or treating!

I think all of go through trails. Trails that question our faith, make our marriage stronger and make us realize how much we take everyday silly things  for granted. My hubby and I are going through something almost out of a fiction novel.  There are times when I simply sit down and pray and have a conversation with the Lord. Questions of why, questions of when, and what day……But the crazy thing about having a relationship with the Lord is that we are on a need to know basis.  And right now I don’t need to know, at least not until the Lord has accomplished what He is trying to grow in me.  A deeper love of  my spouse, even thought  I couldn’t have a better marriage our walk with the Lord through this trial is reshaping, remolding both of us into a Christ centered marriage.  For this I am forever thankful. As a child I remember having to trust my parents in their decisions for me.  I remember how hard it was to rely on someone who knew better than I. And in the end the lesson learned took me further than I could have imagined.   But what He has planned further I cannot even pretend to fathom.  I know his hand reaches farther, his blessing to touch out into our futures, and our lessons learned to hopefully be a blessing to others.  There are times as a mommy I question on how this will affect our children?  How will this grow our children into the woman and men of God the Lord will call them to be? And above all will the Lord use this for His glory and our children still be happy children of God?  And then it comes back to choices and what we choose to do with what he has given us. So tonight Father I am asking for your guidence as your child, a wife and a mother. Make me into the woman of God that you have call me to be, the wife you have called to be, and the mother you have made and are creating me each day to be.  Thank you my Father.  I love you.

I really do love the title mommy. But sometimes it’s really tough balancing the mommy act with the house cleaning chores. We were able to buy our dream home last year but the one thing you don’t realize with all that space is,..  “where is the time to clean it?” A lot of the time I feel guilty cleaning because I’m not playing with my kiddos, and if I’m playing with my kiddos I can’t help but look over and see the awesome goo mark that has suddenly appeared where I promise I just cleaned with 409 two minutes ago. Sigh,.. what’s a mommy to do? It seems that if I get my house work done then I think, “great now we can function because everything is where it goes,…”. But if I spend time with those gorgeous little cherub faces then our house seems to explode. But the question is, “Is it really a loosing battle, or should I just give up and let the one side conquer all?”  Or if I stop and play for an hour will my kiddos just be content and play quietly so I can finally get to those dishes.  I’m not really sure. It seems like each day is so different that you got to call it as it comes. But since I’m not ready to not play goofy games and hide and go seek with those beautiful little babies I call my angels, and I’m not ready to have my house look like a boogy bomb hit it then I guess I forever will forgo the battle of the mommy vs. messies humm.  And for now I think I’m just gona get some sleep. May the Lord bless you and keep you, and give you happy smiling angel faces and a few clean dishes too. Night all.

I think all wives want to feel sexy, and have that sort of super coordinated, sexy vibe going on in the bedroom.  So the other night as my children were all at the baby sitter I decided a little strip tease was in order. As I began to shake it, I was ever so humbled as to how uncoordinated I am. I spun around in all my sexiness and my ankle quickly let out from under me as I fell sideways. And so trying to pull it off as, “something I meant to do” wasn’t going to work. My husband just giggled and said, “You ok?” And so I am officially humbled back to the uncoordinated sexy mama I am. But hey I tried.

I love my boys. My boys love bugs. I do not,…. well worms aren’t so bad but if it’s skinny, gangly, and winged,.. forget it.  So no bugs are allowed in the house but we do have a wonderful fish tank full of beautiful fish. They are suppose to add tranquility to a home but so far they just eat and poop. But occasionally I do think they are very pretty. But for the most part they are overrated. When we decided on the tank I opted for the beautiful fish with the long fanned tails.  My boys however, opted for the cool crabs with their gangly arms and pincher’s to boot. So mommy got the pretty fishies  and the boys got the gangly creepy crawly crabs. So the other night, late into the night, I was walking up the stairs to find the longest, skinniest black winged, nasty thingy on my carpet and low and behold it was moving. Ewwwwww! At the time all I had on me was a ten dollar bill so I quickly with my intelligent thought squished the bug and then proceeded to squish  the bug off of my ten dollar bill….Ewwww.  As I did the icky, gross, freaked out dance, in the kitchen I reminded myself it’s just a bug, it’s just a bug, ewww it’s just a bug,… sigh…. So maybe a little late night tele will be calming after my gross encounter.  As I made my way to the living I noticed an odd little piece of dirt on the floor, or was it a Lego? As i got closer I thought what in the world is in the carpet, banana, I couldn’t figure out after a long day of cleaning what could be in carpet now? Low and behold as I poked the ground, it moved! I screamed and shrieked as I realized a real live crab was sitting in my blue carpet!!!!! Ewww!  As it wiggled deeper into it’s blue cavern I lost it! I streamed lined it to the kitchen and grabbed two glasses quickly trapping the little Egor monster and replaced him back into his home.  And then I really lost it! I must have done the freak out mama dance for as long as I could until some not so nice mommy words quicly flew from my mouth for the next half hour. I had cleaned the tank earlier that day and that little creaton had somehow escaped and survived twelve hours around the floors of our home. How he survived a cat, labradoodle, three children, countless basketballs, and two adults I will never know? But this mama is officially done for the day and so I say goodnight. And with all of my cleaning efforts I have realized even the best mommies sometimes find there worst nightmares in the carpet. Uck!

So the other night as our children lay peacefully sleeping I realized,” Our children are sleeping!” I think at the same moment the same thing occurred to my husband So as we ran as quietly as we could to move our kiddos to there own beds my husband stopped,..” What’s wet all over the bed?” “What?” I replied, thinking come on honey ‘Eyes on the prize.’And then as he said,”No what’s this all over the bed?”  As I began feeling my way in the dark I realized my husband wasn’t crazy and yes indeed there was something wet and gross on the bed. I quickly turned on the light to realize that our super awesome dog at one point had gotten up onto our bed and thrown up next to our children. EWw, Eww and Eww. And the kids were completely unaware and untouched by the vomit as we smelled them from head to toe mortified to our maximum. And so as we gently placed our sleeping babies in there own vomit free beds and began stripping our beds it dawned on me that being with my husband was now the absolute farthest thing from my mind that night. And really ya had to laugh, we gave it a try, oh well maybe next time

My kiddos are terrible sleepers.  And really I think it may be my fault. But at the same time I refuse to take responsibility for it,.. other than saying they have poor sleeping habits simply because I love my kiddos too much to not let them snuggle. I know my babies will grow all too soon and frankly I love seeing those curly headed angels sleeping so peacefully next to me. So as I write this at 11:00 at night with two out of my three angels snoring softly I have to say I am so thankful to be able to pull each of them close.  Each one is so unique, so different, and so beautifull.  Our oldest is quiet, sweet, and sensitive. Our middle one is sassy, hot tempered, and a mama’s boy too boot. And our youngest is shy, and interestingly mellow. But then just when you think she couldn’t be any quieter she makes a total ham of herself.  My hubby calls her” Super Sass!” I love these little gifts from God.  And cannot wait to see what direction the Lord will take them twoards.   But tonight as I know my poor hubby will once again give up and head twoards the couch I will have to giggle and pull them even closer because I don’t want to ever think that these babies will grow too big to snuggle with mama.